Bullying: What It Is And What It Is Not
- Zeynep Okur Guner, PhD
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Bullying is a serious and persistent issue affecting children, tweens, and teenagers. Its impact can be profound, influencing young people’s emotional wellbeing, mental health, and development. Experiences of bullying are linked to anxiety, depression, lower academic achievement, and, in the most severe cases, self-harm or suicidal thoughts.
What exactly is bullying? How can we tell the difference between bullying and everyday banter or conflict between friends?
Teenagers do not typically come forward and tell their parents that they are being bullied. So how can we recognise the signs? What should we be looking out for?
How can we support our children at home if concerns arise? And, what should we do if our child is bullying someone?
These are important questions. In this series of articles, I will discuss these issues in depth.
What is “bullying”?
According to the Anti-Bullying Alliance, bullying is defined as:
“The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power.”
For parents, the line between banter, joking around, friendship conflict, and bullying can feel unclear. The key features that distinguish bullying from typical friendship difficulties are intent to harm, repetition, and an imbalance of power.
Bullying is not about a single incident, such as a hurtful comment or disagreement. It involves repeated behaviour that is intended to cause harm. Crucially, there is also a power difference between the perpetrator and the victim. This imbalance may relate to popularity or social status, age, physical size, or other factors.
A child on the receiving end of bullying often feels a sense of helplessness due to this imbalance of power—meaning they are unable to defend themselves or stop what is happening. This sense of helplessness is central to understanding bullying.
For example, a child might repeatedly make cruel jokes at another’s expense. While this behaviour is not acceptable, if both children are able to respond and defend themselves, it may be better understood as conflict rather than bullying. This distinction is important.
Bullying can occur face-to-face or online. It can take several forms: physical, verbal, psychological (emotional), or sexual.
Examples of bullying are;
-Physical bullying: pushing, hitting, poking, biting or other forms of physical harm..
-Verbal bullying: name calling, insults, sarcasm, spreading rumours, belittling, threatening, persistent teasing…
-Emotional bullying: exclusion, deliberate isolation, tormenting, hiding belongings, ridicule, humilliation, manipulation and coercion…
-Sexual bullying: unwanted physical contact, inappropriate comments, exposure to inappropriate/sexual images or harassment of a sexual nature…
How common is bullying?
The Department for Education’s latest National Behaviour Survey in England (2025) indicates that 1 in 5 pupils in Years 7 to 13 reported being bullied in the past year. Children with special educational needs or disabilities (SEND) are at higher risk. Although rates have slightly decreased, bullying remains a significant issue, particularly in lower secondary school (Years 7 to 9).
When it comes to online bullying, 1 in 3 young people report that some of the bullying happened also online, but the majority of bullying takes place face-to-face mostly at school settings.
Large-scale research from the United Against Bullying programme, involving 65,000 children in England, found that 1 in 4 children report being bullied; 6% of the kids report bullying other kids and 5% report being frequently bullied.
Although statistics suggest that bullying may be decreasing, the numbers remain high. It is therefore essential that parents understand what bullying is—and what it is not—so they can recognise it when it occurs. With this understanding, we are better equipped to support our children in a timely and effective way.
In the next article, I will focus on the children who experience bullying directly: the emotional, behavioral, and physical signs that may indicate a child is being bullied; how parents can recognize these warning signs early; and most importantly, how families can respond in a supportive, calm, and effective way that helps children feel safe, understood, and empowered.
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