Bullying Part II: How Can You Tell If Your Child Is Being Bullied?

Tweens and teens do not necessarily come forward and tell their parents that they are being bullied. This may seem puzzling to adults, but there can be several reasons for it. They may feel helpless, yet want to try dealing with the situation on their own in order to regain a sense of control and power. Alternatively, they may worry about being seen as weak or fear retaliation from the bully. This is why it is absolutely paramount that we know what signs to look for, so that we can recognise bullying and act in a timely manner.

Emotional Symptoms

One of the major red flags is a noticeable shift in personality, with certain aspects of your child's temperament becoming exaggerated. Kim John Payne suggests that extroverts tend to act outwardly when struggling: they may become hot-tempered, irritable, rowdy, noisy, and larger than life. Introverts, on the other hand, tend to withdraw inwardly. They may become sullen, distant, stubborn, or even quieter than usual.

In addition, excessive worrying, low mood, irritability, and social withdrawal can all be signs that a child is being bullied.

Academic Life and School Related Symptoms

Another important area to consider is school and academic performance. Children who are being bullied may show a loss of focus and concentration, accompanied by a decline in academic achievement. Others may respond in the opposite way, becoming intensely focused, perfectionistic, or inflexible.

Furthermore, they may refuse to go to school or frequently ask to stay home. Lost or damaged belongings, reluctance to discuss these incidents, or an unwillingness to talk about school in general are also important signs to notice.

Behavioural and Social Symptoms

The usual warning signs, such as sudden changes in appetite, disrupted sleep, withdrawing from family life, and cutting back on social interactions with friends should not be overlooked.

When a child is being bullied, they often feel powerless and out of control. As a result, you may notice an increase in controlling behaviour at home. They may become overly controlling in an attempt to regain a sense of power. For example, they might insist that things are done only their way, become unusually bossy with siblings, react strongly when plans change, or argue excessively over small decisions. Some children may try to control family routines, refuse to compromise during games or activities, become demanding about what is eaten at mealtimes, or become frustrated when they are not in charge. While these behaviours can occur for many reasons, a noticeable increase in controlling tendencies may be a sign that your teen is struggling with feelings of helplessness elsewhere in their life.

Signs Specific To Cyber-Bullying

Signs of cyberbullying may include becoming distressed after using devices, avoiding social media or digital devices altogether, or becoming unusually secretive about online activities and interactions.

You may find that some of these symptoms do not seem particularly unusual in tweens and teenagers. After all, young people can be controlling, irritable, and short-tempered at times. They are also well known for becoming less talkative and less open about their lives than they were in childhood. Similarly, some controlling behaviours may simply be part of your child's natural temperament.

What we need to pay attention to is whether there has been a sudden and dramatic change from their usual pattern of behaviour, preferences, or personality. Mood swings are an expected and natural part of the tween and teen years. In fact, fluctuations in mood can be a sign of healthy adolescent development. What is more concerning is when the changes described above persist over time. If your child has been consistently feeling low for more than two consecutive weeks, this is an important red flag. For example, your child may cancel weekend plans and choose to stay home for a couple of weekends. They may simply be working through friendship difficulties. However, if they resume spending time with friends by the third week, there is usually less cause for concern. The key is to look for patterns that persist rather than temporary fluctuations.

In the following article, I will discuss what parents can do if they discover that their child is being bullied.

If you wish to read further on this topic;

Payne K. J., (2022), “Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens”, Shamabala, Colorado

AAP - Bullying: It’s Not OK

Stop Bullying

CDC- Bullying and Youth Prevention